The woman would complain about her ex to anybody who would listen. Within 5 minutes of meeting you, she would bend your ear on what a bastard her ex-husband was. There is no question that this guy behaved poorly, but it led my friend to think that she still had a thing for her ex. The truth is, she was holding onto anger. On our first few dates, we may sit and shake our heads and try to politely listen to all of the travails about your ex. The truth is that we don't care that much.

We are more interested in getting something going with you than hearing about the problems with your ex. It's a turn off and it makes us think you are not resolved about your past. To us, this means your ex is alive and well in your head. You may hate the guy, but he's taking up a lot of room in your head! So, how do you get past this? Joan Borysenko, PhD, writing for Prevention came up with the following steps: Forgive - You should forgive for yourself, not the person who hurt you.

Grieve what you've lost - Borysenko points out that this part of this process may take a longer time, but it's well worth it. It can't be done prematurely. She compares it to putting whipped cream on garbage. It may look okay, but you still have a festering heap of garbage underneath the whipped cream. She says that the memory will return less over time and it will be less painful when the memory returns. 3. Don't wait for an apology - Many people don't know what they have done to cause hurt.

The old saying is that "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger." That is true, but you don't want to harden your heart. Borysenko says, "Life is a school for learning and some of the lessons are painful ones. We can't avoid being hurt. But we can decide to let our hurt overshadow the rest of our lives. Choosing to let go and move on doesn't leave you the same as it was before. It brings you greater understanding and maturity and more compassion - towards others and yourself as well."